Here's what happened to me. Yesterday, I looked at my online bank balance to find that my checking account was overdrawn. It was my fault. I had thought that a payment had cleared the bank, when it actually hadn't.
Momentary shock lead to frustration and then an avalanche of self criticism. I had almost completed a long email rant to a trusted friend when I caught myself...and deleted the message...and decided to look at what happened in a different way.
What if it was really a sign of something that I needed to pay attention to or a lesson that I needed to learn?
You might think, "Of course, you dummy, you need to take better care of your finances and not spend beyond your means." Well, I don't deny that I need to do that, but what I'm talking about is something more.
You see, I had been thinking of moving. I found a place that I liked, but was a little more expensive then where I currently lived. I'd have to lay out a significant chunk of money over the next couple months to make it happen...and that would make covering daily expenses, and life in general, more difficult over the short term.
In spite of this, I had viewed being able to move as going to something bigger and better than I currently had. So, my rant started like this...Do you believe in self-sabotage? Every time I think about doing something better, I do something to get in my way. I am irresponsible. I am stupid for it to happen. It was my fault. I don't deserve anything better...and on it spiralled. Until just before I hit send, and I caught myself.
What if this isn't the worst thing? What if this is just the sign that says that all those doubts I was having were right. A sign that says that I shouldn't be going down this path at this time. I stopped the self blame and instead, looked at the situation from a different perspective.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Buddha
I took action. I immediately withdrew the rental application. Then, I revisited my account to understand how it happened and understand my complete financial picture. And even though I still had a negative account balance, I have a paycheck coming on Friday and I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.
So do yourself a favor, and catch yourself. When you start to blame yourself or someone else for something that is happening, stop yourself and ask, "What if this isn't the worst thing that could happen? How could I look at this differently?" Find a lesson you can learn from the situation or a positive thought you can take from it.
The more you practice this, the easier it gets.
Hopelessness comes from believing that we aren't in control and things happen to us. Next time instead of blaming or berating yourself, or someone else, take control of your thoughts and look for the lesson, or the positive. Ask yourself, "What if this isn't the worst thing?"
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